Ch 29: And then I farted in the gym. Seriously.

Asleep – in bed for the night. Another day over.

Today I read an excellent article relating to how mothers, without realisation, scare the daylights out of their girlfriends by showcasing the array of low lights and frustrations of raising children.

The girlfriends are either mothers to be or they hope to be in the future. These friends have been caught up in what was described as 'mum bonding' sessions over coffee.

Whilst reading the article I found myself nodding, rolling my eyes and rubbing my face like I always do when I'm a tad stressed or anxious.

The reason? It flooded back memories from when the little master was cooking away in my oven – my first child, my first pregnancy, my first baby bump.

Rightly so, I had no idea what the future was to hold.

From the heavy belly stages of trimester three which included burping uncontrollably in work meetings, passing wind with any form of movement at the gym, through to the labour, bringing the little master home and not to mention grappling with breastfeeding and growth spurts.

It was my journey. Our journey. And we're still on it.

However as time has passed, I have grown..well to be honest, kind of pissed off at people, many of whom are mothers, who relayed the following sentiments to me, all whilst with a growing baby belly:

'Oh labour isn't painful at all!'
Said in a sarcastic manner then laughs and rolls the eyes. Thanks I'll sleep better tonight.

'Better enjoy your sleep now before the baby arrives!'
Right so you can bank your sleep and use it later yes? Thanks, real helpful.

'Gee, you're not very big..?'
Oh shuddap. We're healthy, the baby is growing great and is perfectly fine. Oh did you notice that I'm 5'0' and my husband is 5'8'. What do you expect me to produce? An NBA player?!

'Then when pulling him out they had to dislocate his shoulder.'
That's my personal fave, I was eight months pregnant at the time and the woman was drunk. I cried all the way home.

But it doesn't stop once the baby arrives. The focus simply moves from the bump to your bundle of joy. All real examples again:

'How old is he? Four months? Gee he is big.'
Would you prefer I starved him? Actually he is average weight, not an ounce above or below. Wish I could say the same about you, love.

'Oh he's not sitting up yet?'
No he rolls and rolls and rolls. He'll get there and I'm not worried. Are you?

The list could go on, but you get my drift.

So this is a call out to all the mothers, expectant mothers and women who would one day like to be a mother:

You look great, blushing in fact. I hope you have been keeping well.

You're doing an amazing job.

Well done to you, Mum and Dad! Keep it up.

Your baby is just gorgeous, perfect in fact.

Cherish every day – the smiles, eye gazing, finger holds and giggles are amazing.

Oh, and if you unexpectedly let off a bottom burp, I will happily join you in blaming the dog.

That is all.